So on Sunday, Josh and I gave a lesson on fighting pornography to the adults and youth in our ward.
Now, generally speaking, "hey we give a lesson in church" is not exactly cause for a blog post.
However, this happens to be a topic that I feel really strongly about. Pornography has assaulted the lives of numerous people that I care about -- incredible people, I might add -- and probably more that I don't even know about.
So I'm gonna share a bit in case it can maybe benefit someone else.
In March, Josh and I attended the
Utah Coalition Against Pornography conference in Salt Lake.
Sounds like a SUPER FUN event, right? Let's go downtown and spend the whole day talking about the evils of pornography.
Actually, it was REALLY great. Now, if you missed the conference but are interested in learning what we learned, don't fret,
UCAP has posted videos of many of the presentations online so you can watch them for yourself. The speakers were awesome with fabulous insights. We learned a lot and it really opened our eyes even more to the dangers of pornography and the way it can ruin lives and families.
My favorite thing I learned at the UCAP conference came in the first presentation I heard where the speaker said, "Sex is not bad, and porn is not sex." I love that. Sex is not bad, and porn is not sex...because sex is about connection and engagement and relationship -- and porn is about bodies on a screen. Porn is Satan's hollow, twisted substitute for something pure a beautiful.
Like almost every family, we've had experiences with pornography. I'm not going to go into the details, but I had a 7-year-old son who first encountered porn by accidentally mistyping a web address on a school computer. Also, just a couple weeks ago, despite all of our filtering software and parental controls, we had a pop-up ad that included some pornographic images come up on a cell phone when one of our kids was playing a game. This nasty stuff is everywhere, and its something we need to be very aware of.
However, just because pornography is a prevalent evil does not mean we are powerless to fight it. We can protect our families and teach our children how to be safe from its insidious grasp. One of the sessions we attended at the conference addressed exactly that topic and it was GREAT!
We learned that a lot of the things that we do as a family are in line with what experts suggest. We also learned we have plenty of room to improve, and we were reminded there is no 100% safeguard out there. However, some of the things we have done to protect our family from the onslaught of porn include:
*we use parental controls and filtering software -- our favorite is
Open DNS (it's free) which we added directly to our router to protect anything connected to our wifi
*ALL of our family devices are password protected so that kids can't just get on the computer/internet any time they like (I'm gonna be honest, sometimes this is really inconvenient for the parents involved, but it's something we are willing to deal with)
*we do not provide our children with individual cell phones -- we have one kid cell phone that is shared between our children so if someone has to stay late or has an event they get to use the phone (this one is bordering on cruelty if you ask our kids)
*our kid's phone is OLD which means it CANNOT send or receive pictures which I LOVE (sexting is real, and can be a horrible entry into the world of porn)
*our poor, picked-on kids are required to turn in their devices every night at 9pm -- and if a device is NOT turned in they lose it for a period of time (see, I said, we're jerks)
*Outside of our family computer (which is always available for homework etc), we don't have constant internet access on any device -- we put in the wifi code on weekends, but not on school days (see...jerks!)
Anyway, those are some of the big ticket items. Like I said, this is some of what we do, but it isn't a perfect solution (because nothing is and every family is different). I'd love it if you'd share some of the things that have worked for your family.
The BIG most important piece, though, is that when you are taking hold of the issue and doing what you can to address it and protect the people you love, that is NOT nothing. There is power in that, and those efforts count.
Also, if you are someone or if you love someone who has been ensnared by pornography, please know that you are not alone. I'll fight with you. I'll support you as you work to get free. And I don't think less of you because you are battling a problem -- guess what, we all are even if they come in different forms.
Anyway, a couple of my VERY FAVORITE resources
https://www.overcomingpornography.org/ This website has TONS of great information and helps for overcoming and avoiding pornography. It is a religious site, but I love that it focuses on hope and God's love for us and His desire to help us.
On the same site,
this video is my absolute favorite for families. This is what we teach our kids to do when they are exposed to pornography (because we know it is not a question of "if" but of "when" they will see this garbage).
At the UCAP conference, I was introduced to the work of a man named
Matt Fradd who is a huge fighter in the battle against porn. I've since read several of his books and I really appreciate his personal insights and point of view. I think his work is a great resource. Apparently, he also has a podcast on this subject. I haven't listened to it, but it could be a good support as well.
Anyway, that's enough.
The point is, pornography is evil. It will do everything possible to sink its teeth into you and not let go. Keep it away from your family, do all that you can to inform and protect your children. And if it has grabbed onto people that you care about, don't judge and degrade them, support and encourage them instead. This is not an easy battle and they need all the support they can get. Celebrate the wins, and help them grow -- and I'll bet you money they'll do the same for you when you are struggling.
