...and they all lived happily ever after...

...and they all lived happily ever after...

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Nose bopping and other frustrations in marriage

My husband and I had a fight today.

Ok, maybe fight is a strong word.  But we couldn't agree and we both ended up mad and it wasn't exactly pretty.

It all happened on an aisle in Lowes.  We have been building a back yard shed (more on that another day) and we were planning to put some shelving up and we both had different ideas on how that should be done.

We were actually trying to each grasp the other's point of view in the beginning, but we weren't seeing eye to eye and we weren't understanding completely what the other person thought and it blossomed into hurt feelings and frustration.  Josh headed off to get other items and I stalked off to the paint section to look at color samples for paint that we don't need (I mean, there's always something that needs painting, right?).

We were both steaming.

And, to be honest, sometimes that happens.

Our marriage is good.  Like really really good.

Even when I am THE MOST frustrated at Josh he is still my favorite person on the planet (I just want to bop him in the nose to help him see straight sometimes).

But that's just it, we are both people.  We both have ideas and opinions, we both make mistakes, we both get impatient and grumpy sometimes, and sometimes we are selfish and stubborn (I'm pretty sure stubborn came on my warning label at birth).  It's not something to be proud of, but it's just a fact.

Two people living together, going through the ups and downs of life, dealing with kids and houses and cars and the day to day grind of being a human are not going to get along ALL of the time.  They are going to disagree.  They are going to dislike something the other person says or does.  They are going to have to compromise.  Each one is going to get their own way sometimes, and each one is going to have to give in to the other person's way sometimes.  That's the way it is.

And once in a while, it is good for me to be reminded that my very own happily ever after is not a collage of exclusively perfect, pastel colored moments.  There are some dark strokes in there, but that is part of what gives the picture its depth if we stick with it and see it through.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying it's good to argue -- but what is good is realizing that not every moment will be perfect and that one dark corner is not worth giving up the beauty of the whole creation.

So back to Lowes, I waited for Josh at the front of the store (after briefly considering the long walk home but falling prey to the allure of air conditioning).  He eventually came up and gently suggested we try the shelving dilemma again.

We returned to the scene of the crime and then we tossed aside our two original ideas and happened on a third option that was completely different than anything we had considered before, but it turned out to be just the solution we needed.

That's generally the way it goes.

Troubles come.  Arguments happen sometimes.  But we're in it for the long haul.  That's something I know I can rely on and there is great comfort in that.

And even when I really want to bop him on the nose, I'm exceptionally grateful he got stuck with me as a partner.  Overall, we make a pretty good team.

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