Moka

Last night I sat with our dog while he had a seizure.

.

It was miserable.

.

We had let him out of his kennel to play with us in the back yard. He started walking awkwardly. I recognized this immediately and screamed for Josh (who was inside doing the dishes). Moka fell over, his muscles all tensing, and started to convulse. I yelled at the kids to go inside "RIGHT NOW!!!" They were all crying as they pattered into the house, and their tear streaked faces bundled into the kitchen window watching us.

Josh gently cradled his dog's head and I sat by his side stroking him and talking to him. We sat with him as his body jerked and twitched and his mouth foamed. It was painful to watch. Josh was calm and in control, but I felt panicked. Josh has always been Moka's favorite playmate, but to our dog, I am the boss. Deep down, I think he loves me best, even though I get much more aggravated with him than Josh does.

(This is a much happier video of our pup)

Over the six years that we have had our dog, he has been a bitter sweet blessing to our family. He is a very tidy dog, so he only poops in one distant corner of the yard. That has been really nice (we don't have to dodge doggy presents when we play in the backyard).

He is AMAZING with the kids. They can torment and annoy him and he just takes it. I have never seen him so much as growl at a person. In fact, the only time I have ever heard him growl was when another dog tried to bite me and he barreled into her to protect me.

However, he has had his bothersome side too. This dog has ADHD, I swear, it's true. He cannot hold still. He has ruined more yard and house items than I like to admit. He chewed through a shed door, scratched through two window screens, ate a hole in the wall (that was the day he became an essentially outdoor dog except to sleep), and there had been many other casualties of his excessive energy (not just when he was a puppy mind you, although bit by bit he has calmed some over the years...but you wouldn't realize that if you hadn't seen him as a puppy, he is still uber hyper). I got so frustrated with him when he chewed through the seat of our canopied porch swing that I literally spanked him with a wooden spoon (how pathetic is that).

Still, when a creature is attached to your family for six years you grow to love him anyway.

As Moka started to come back to himself last night he could barely walk at first. He was disoriented and slobbery and stumbled around like he was drunk. I remembered that I had seen this part before. He had these exact same symptoms a little over a month ago when I had frantically called Josh in tears because I knew there was something very wrong, but I had not idea what (I hadn't seen him seize, just the after effects). By the time Josh got home, Moka was fine. The vet could find no problem that day, but now we know.

I don't know yet what will happen. I know that as much as we care for our dog, he is not a person and we do not have the big funds for any major treatments.

I know that he has been diagnosed with testicular cancer already which we cannot treat because it costs many hundreds of dollars just to remove the lump, not to mention everything else (we have been assured he is not in pain from this or we would not have been so selfish as to let him continue to suffer).

Mostly, I know that I have a house full of little sprites who are very distraught because we had to tell them Moka may not live. Aubrey prayed last night that Heavenly Father will send someone to Heaven to throw a Frisbee for Moka when he gets there (his favorite pass time). Parker asked if we could hang his collar in our shed so we could jingle the tags for good luck when we miss him.

Mostly, my heart just hurts.

We'll see what happens.

As frustrated and angry as I sometimes get with this mutt, he has managed to wriggle into our hearts and to become a part of our family.

After all is said and done, we love you, Mutley.