"No pun in ten did"

Yesterday I was grumpy.  Josh felt bad for me, so he called me from work to try to cheer me up.  He read me page full of puns that a student gave him the other day.  I was very somber, I rolled my eyes at most of them and did not laugh (but I felt a little bit better by then end anyway). 

I thought I'd share them with you in case you are a little bit grumpy today too.

*The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

*I thought I was an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

*She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

*A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of mass disruption.

*No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationary.

*A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

*A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France might result in Linoleum Blownapart.

*Two silk worms had a race; they ended up in a tie.

*A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.  The police are looking into it.

*Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.

*Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

*I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger; then it hit me.

*A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the grass."

*The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

*The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

*A backward poet writes inverse.

*In a democracy it's your vote that counts, in feudalism it's your count that votes.

*When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.

*If you jumped off the bridge in Paris you'd be in Seine. (insane)

*A vulture boards an airplane carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

*Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says, 'Dam.'

*Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

*Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, 'I've lost my electron.'  The other says 'Are you sure?'  The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

*Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

*There was the person who sent ten punt to his friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh...no pun in ten did.

Hope you got a little smile out of it...and I hope you have a wonderful day!