...and they all lived happily ever after...

...and they all lived happily ever after...

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


Some flashbacks are fabulous.  It's great to remember a magical moment or a funny situation or things like that.  But, some are not like that at all.

Monday night I had a Crohn's flashback and I think in the future I'd rather not.

Me momming it up in the canyon, yup
that's my "Why are you doing that when
I just asked you not to" look.
I was sitting in the car at the Salt Lake International Airport park and wait when said flashback attacked.  Since starting bi-monthly Humira injections I haven't had severe Crohn's symptoms AT ALL.  My gut occasionally twinges and I still have sore joints part of the time and some other minor symptoms, but nothing very serious. 

Well, Monday night my intestines started lurching and aching severely and there was not a thing I could do about it.  Normally I run for a hot bath which tends to relax the muscles and calm things a bit, but sadly there is no bathing area available in the park and wait lot (and if there were I'm not sure anyone would appreciate my using it anyway). 

So, I tried to look happy as I picked up my friends and carted them home (I didn't really want to spend the drive discussing my aching gut).  Once they were safely deposited at their place I zipped back to my place, promptly threw up and then soaked in hot water for a bit (which, honestly, did not help nearly as much as I had hoped). 

Then I needed football.  Hooray for Monday night.  I do love football. 

I settled into the crook of the couch with a heating pad stationed on my middle and watched the Texans run over the Jets (don't have a preference with these teams, but it was a fun game).  What a great way to take my mind off most anything else.  Bryce tried to cuddle in to me on the couch and that was a bit uncomfortable, but you don't tell a jr high schooler to unsnuggle you because those snuggles don't happen very often.

Then I went to bed.

I know that God loves me because he held off this horrible evening until a time when Josh was home so I wouldn't have to try to face being the only available parent while nursing my sore abdomen.

This morning I am still walking more carefully than normal so as not to overstretch my sore muscles, but I think my insides are a bit better so that's something.

I'm sure this seems like a bit of a rant.  I don't write this stuff for pity or to whine.  I really don't.  I don't feel bad for myself because I have been given a piggybacking autoimmune disease.  After all, everybody has something in one way or another and lets be honest, this is nothing compared to what many of you are called to face. 

However, I know there are others out there suffering, many who are newly diagnosed and I remember how lost I felt at times because I didn't know what to expect or what to do or whatever. 

Me and my favorite cheerleader
(I think he'd look pretty cute in the tiny little skirt)
If that's you, I want you to know that this disease is not easy.  It does take its toll and that isn't fun.  But there is so much beautiful life ahead of you even after this diagnosis.  There will be setbacks, and sometimes they will suck (I know kids, we don't say that, bad example Mom over here).  There will probably be some trial and error to find a treatment that works best for you.  Sometimes the medications bring their own shadows into your life, but given some time your doctors will likely be able to lead you into a much calmer piece of life than you felt when you were diagnosed.

It won't be perfect every moment, but most often life will be amazing.  Most often there will be smiles and laughter and good books and tasty food and inspiring ideas and hugs and bike rides and incredible moments and if you choose to see that instead then this minor little intestinal disorder (or whatever you are facing) will barely be a blip on the radar of life. 

I'm a firm believer in telling it like it is. Motherhood is not always warm and fabulous, there are some really ugly moments on both sides of the adult/child continuum.  Chronic illness is no different. There are some severely foul bits, but they simply cannot cover up the warm glow of life unless you let them.

There will be days when your disease decides to remind you that it will never be gone, and those will likely not be pleasant or convenient.  But lets look at the big picture and remember that there is so much to be thankful for and so many blessings that overshadow any nastiness a malady can throw at you (whether it is Crohn's Disease or some other variety).

Anyway, chalk one point up for my disease because it definitely beat me last night.  But last night is gone and today I will win.  Today is a beautiful day.

1 comment:

Manda Jane Clawson said...

once again, you amaze me with your strength, courage, and positive attitude! Thank you for the reminder that there is always something to be grateful for!

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